Loss

Losing is hard. There is an emptiness that accompanies loss. The empty is missing someone, even if that person wasn’t good for you. There was still a body in your life that is now gone. I got used to sleeping alone quickly, but going places on my own is hard. Do I go out to dinner for one? Do I go to concerts or movies? I could do these things before alone, but now that aloneness has been amplified by the fact there is no one waiting for me when I return. I think the loneliest I have ever been is when I loved someone that really didn’t love me back. I had my first child alone, without a father. The second, I was married to his father, but the father was not around. He was angry with me when he was. The joy of bringing a new life into the world was not in our home. It was much harder and lonelier that I had ever been with my first child when I was truly on my own. So I know the difference in being alone and being lonely. Lonely is when you are without love. Loss is just the first step in gaining more, if we are open and willing to lose.