Patience grasshopper

I am not a patient person. There are some things I have had great patience in, like waiting and hoping for a doomed marriage to turn around, but I am horrible in traffic. I am terrible in long shopping lines, or even short lines. Don't even think about writing a check if you are in front of me!

I have this sense of urgency, especially work. I want everything now. I want to launch, push, jump...but most of the time it would have been better to wait. Watch. Check again and again. Sometimes things don't need to go so fast. I know I have this issue. I just don't know how to stop.

So, here is this project. I have worked on for over a year. It was supposed to launch, but things slowed it down. We had to wait. When I finally got the okay, I excitedly pushed it out. Then, like rushed things are prone to do, something went wrong. Boom. All the excitement gone. No celebration. Just another mistake to have to make up for. It is frustrating. It is heartbreaking. Further down the rabbit hole of failure I fall. There is no winning at this point.

Where do you go from here? Give up? Turn my brain off and just turn into a robot that needs to be told every step to take? I really don't know the direction to take now. I don't know how to stop falling down the hole.

I am back to the same frustrations. Not having a real purpose, so far down the totem pole that I can't see light anymore. Is this the point where you say, this is not my path anymore?

But, this job has been a blessing. It was all I wanted. I has given me independence and hope. It gave me a chance to have the security to leave a very bad marriage. It is what gave me the opportunity to go to grad school. It supports me lifestyle and will give me some sort of pension when I retire. Hopefully sooner than later. It's really a good thing.

I need patience. I need to remember what is important. I need to remember what it is about my job I love and forget the rest. God is good. I am blessed. The rest will fall into place.